Hellowa and Happy October!
Just a quick update since I'm really tired today and trying very hard to get on with some work though not feeling particularly motivated today despite deadlines looming.
Unfortunately I missed some college this week due to poorliness which made me feel really rather miserable; I love being at college since it makes me forget about all the evil health issues which are going on right now and even seems to improve my appetite a little, so taking a few days off was pretty crap. Felt ok enough to go in yesterday and found I had an enormous amount to catch up on so that's how I plan to spend the weekend - pretty much chained to my desk!
I have a gastroenterology appointment a week Monday when we are going to discuss the options of NJ tube feeding; I have to admit, the closer it comes, the more nervous I feel. I know it's something that needs to happen but I'm scared- more about the insertion itself than anything else. Because last time it didn't work in endoscopy and I was barely sedated they are going to try again with 'different equipment' - I'm obviously unsure what this entails but I'll have the opportunity to ask at my appointment I guess. All the same, I'm trying not to think about it too much or I'll drive myself mad.
I've also been thinking recently about how this illness has affected everybody around me; my family, my boyfriend and friends. I think I've allowed myself to become so consumed by my own stomach (now there's a thought) that I haven't really thought about anyone else. Of course I've appreciated their support throughout and expressed it but this is the first time I've thought about how they must feel. It's made me wake up a little I must admit and realised I've probably become a bit of a slave to gastroparesis; I need to take control. It doesn't have to be my main source of conversation and although it's always going to play a part in what I can or can't do it doesn't have to change who I am and make me a weak and boring person. I guess I just need to regroup and take others into consideration a little more when I prattle on about how crap I'm feeling. Gastroparesis is not the centre of the universe. And neither am I.
Just a quick update since I'm really tired today and trying very hard to get on with some work though not feeling particularly motivated today despite deadlines looming.
Unfortunately I missed some college this week due to poorliness which made me feel really rather miserable; I love being at college since it makes me forget about all the evil health issues which are going on right now and even seems to improve my appetite a little, so taking a few days off was pretty crap. Felt ok enough to go in yesterday and found I had an enormous amount to catch up on so that's how I plan to spend the weekend - pretty much chained to my desk!
I have a gastroenterology appointment a week Monday when we are going to discuss the options of NJ tube feeding; I have to admit, the closer it comes, the more nervous I feel. I know it's something that needs to happen but I'm scared- more about the insertion itself than anything else. Because last time it didn't work in endoscopy and I was barely sedated they are going to try again with 'different equipment' - I'm obviously unsure what this entails but I'll have the opportunity to ask at my appointment I guess. All the same, I'm trying not to think about it too much or I'll drive myself mad.
I've also been thinking recently about how this illness has affected everybody around me; my family, my boyfriend and friends. I think I've allowed myself to become so consumed by my own stomach (now there's a thought) that I haven't really thought about anyone else. Of course I've appreciated their support throughout and expressed it but this is the first time I've thought about how they must feel. It's made me wake up a little I must admit and realised I've probably become a bit of a slave to gastroparesis; I need to take control. It doesn't have to be my main source of conversation and although it's always going to play a part in what I can or can't do it doesn't have to change who I am and make me a weak and boring person. I guess I just need to regroup and take others into consideration a little more when I prattle on about how crap I'm feeling. Gastroparesis is not the centre of the universe. And neither am I.
A photograph from this week (a portrait of Ned)
Hi Ziggy!
ReplyDeleteYou know me from Oley :-) - I am a fellow GP-girl and also a tube feeder.
I am really happy for you that you get to trial NJ-tube-feeding - hopefully that will help you get your weight and your energy levels up!
Hope everything goes well with the insertion. By the way, none of the usual sedation meds work for me - but propofol does the trick! :-)
Take care,
Julia