One week from surgery!

Heya! I'm so sorry I've not updated before, I ran out of mobile broadband credit so had to wait until today to get online to update!

My surgery was a week ago today and fortunately I was in theatre within an hour of arriving at the hospital and my fiance was allowed to walk down to theatre with me which settled my nerves a little. The surgery itself took around 2 hours and I was taken to the ward quite swiftly afterwards and unbelievably they let Dave take me outside in a wheelchair less than an hour after I woke up! I was given morphine in recovery which wore off after a few hours wherupon the nurses tried to mamage the pain with a combination of paracetamol, codeine and ibuprofen which were partially successful but still didn't allow me to get a wink of sleep that night. I had my usual post anaesthetic problem of not being able to urinate so needed a catheter fitted but when I finally managed to wee by myself I could go home! I stayed at my Mum's house for a few nights then felt well enough to come home and even invite some friends over on Friday night. I only managed to drink some lemonade and stay up until 9pm but it was a good start! I took my first trip out with my pump in a bag on Saturday for coffee and then managed to go shopping yesterday! I bought a few girly treats (new underwear and pyjamas!) to celebrate being out and about and even stopped for a drink on the way home! High on progress and getting cocky I decided to walk upto the stables to see Dream, which wasn't the greatest idea I've ever come up with; it took me an hour to struggle there and back and when I got home I had to get straight to bed as the pain was eeeeeevil!!!!

I wasn't deterred though as today I went to see Izzy jump her mare at a nearby horseshow and had a lovely morning and went to see my Mum afterwards and we went for an ice lolly! I'm not really consuming much besides the tube feed (1000ml Nutrison energy @ 50ml per hour (day rate) and 35ml/ hour night rate) Totalling 1500 calories. I'm managed 1 - 2 bottles of peptamen per day and aside from that just clear liquids and boiled sweets, all of which are staying down. It's amazing!!!!!! Aside from the tube pain and tiredness due to the Tramacet I'm taking, I haven't felt this good for years, literally! My head feels so much clearer now the brain fog has gone and I feel like I'm really taking interest in things again, clothes, make up, career, getting out and about,- all the things a 30 year old should be thinking about - not lists of food I can and can't eat, my calorie intake, a pain scale, spending most of my time curled up in a painful ball or throwing up in the loo!

I hope this goes out to everyone that things WILL get better, maybe not in the way you'd like but in a way that you can get a handle on your life and start to live again, bit by bit.

All the best my lovelies.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Last update before surgery!

Hey Monsters! Hope everyone is doing Ok!

Friday kicked off with an email from my new/old dietician who said she was prescribing some flavour pots to improve the taste of my Peptascuzz er Peptamen and a quick meet with my Mum for morning coffee. In the late afternoon I hacked several miles upto the showground with Dream, Iz and her mare, where the show was to be held at the weekend. My poor pony is so unfit that in the end we decided we would have to locate a horse box to take at least Dream up there. Just as well because I'm obviously unfit too and felt like I was about to drop by the time we got back! I couldn't however because we were celebrating Dave's birthday that evening (his actual birthday is Monday) so as soon as I arrived home from the stables we trundled off to his local town and met up with some friends for drinks which was great fun!

Saturday was mostly spent resting until the evening when I went back upto the stables to give Dream his costume fitting (Punk!) and try to get them both in the horsebox as a practice. Dream hasd been in horse boxes before and went in without too much fuss wheras Midge (Iz's Mare) has many issues having been a very badly treated racehorse and just wouldn't go in, leaving Iz the only option of hacking up there. Didn't get home until after 9pm with a very bad stomach ache, we had some friends round but unfortunately the pain was so excruciating I had to go straight to bed.

We arrived at the show at 9am this morning and got off to a great start when Dream kicked my arm whilst I was cleaning his hooves. Arghh! In my first round (best turned out) he kicked another pony which was so out of character, I've known him over 2 years and he's never done that in any situation before and it frightened the life out of me. Especially because he is extremely strong and I just can't control him when he starts misbehaving. He redeemed himself in the afternoon as in my second round (fancy dress) he behaved well and we won a pink rosette! When we got back I crashed into the gate and smashed my collar bone scar line (from my plate surgery) and sternum on the gate which was horrific so not only do I have a bruised arm from the kick, I also have a badly bruised chest now as well. Grrrrr! I really enjoyed my first show though and despite the mishaps was very pleased to have finally experienced a show since I missed the last one due to breaking my collar bone practising jumping the day before. I'm so accident prone it's unbelievable!

Finally, it's my tube surgery tomorrow morning at 10.30am so please send good wishes, if you can, my way! I'll update when I'm in hospital since I'm taking my laptop in with me.

Take care everyone.

Big loves. xxxx

Anyway

Fun times!

Alrighty, this is more of a fun and postive update!

I'll get the health bit out the way first. Yesterday kicked off with a visit to the hospital where I will be having my surgery on Monday. The nurse took my medical history, vitals and bloods and told me I'll have to stay in for a few days for refeeding syndrome since my BMI is now under 16 but I did find out that I'll be working with my favourite dietician, Jennie, who is an absolute star. (Incidentally she emailed me today to say Hi and that she's sending me some nestle flavour pots in the post in order to make the Peptamen taste a bit better. Hurrah!)

After the appointment I went for a quick coffee with Dave and we met our friend, Les (who's birthday I missed) and we went to Pizza Hut for their lunchtime buffet. Goes without saying I didn't have any BUT I did have some ice cream - great thing about the place is if you ask for an 'Ice Cream Factory' they give you an empty bowl and spoon and you can help yourself to as little or as much as you like and decorate it with sauce and toppings of your choice. Very handy if you have a digestive disorder since you can work within your own limitations and not feel bad about handing a still half full dish of dessert back to the waiter (I don't know why, but it always makes me feel bad) I asked for my dish to arrive at the same time as the guy's lunches so we could all eat together. It was the first time I've eaten out (and kept it down!) since all this nonsense began 3 years ago which made me feel fantastic!!!

In the evening I took Dream (my pony) out for a walk for the first time by myself (I have always had someone walk with me before since I'm afraid he might misbehave - but he didn't! He was an utter angel!) We had a great time and I spent the rest of the evening cleaning tack and listening to the radio.

This morning Dave, Ned (another chum) and I went to a nearby pool with waterslides and had an awesome time, it was such fun whizzing down the slides into the plunge pool and dodging the waves in the main pool. I even wore a bikini! Must admit I felt very self concious and skinny and kept my mat wrapped around me while we were out of the pool but that was partly due to the fact I was so cold. A few people stared at my bony body but I just ignored them and remembered that most people feel self concious for one reason or another and they may have just been looking at my horrendous tan lines!!!!

Took Dream out for another walk in the rain tonight with a massive XL raincoat and zebra print wellies on, I must have looked hilarious! The coat came down to the tops of my boots and it's supposed to be hip length (did I mention I'm a shortie??!!) To be fair my wet hair was all over my face so I probably looked like a little girl taking her pony out (Awwwww, it's be funny if I wasn't 30 and getting married soon!) Been watching PeeP show tonight whilst working on Dream's fancy dress costume for Sunday. My Rock n Roll lifestyle eh?

Hope you guys are all Ok, feel free to message me anytime either here on on my Inspire!

Much love,

Zigster. xxxxxxxxxx

Total cock up because I'm silly

Alright alright I've done it again.

I went to see my Mum yesterday afternoon and ended up staying far longer than I planned to, she had just come back from a ten day holiday and we had a lot of catching up to do! When it got to the evening she wasn't able to drive me home having had a couple of glasses of wine so I decided to stay over at her house. All would have been grand except I'd only taken one bottle of Peptamen with me, which I'd already drunk and I needed something else before bed. I scoured the cupboards and the only thing I could find which appeared to be Ziggy- friendly was coucous so I made myself a small bowlful, chatted for a bit longer, had a shower and went to bed.

Four hours later I woke up with horrible stomach ache and had to run to the bathroom to be sick. I finally stopped vomiting after several hours but was left with a terrible cramping pain in my stomach which is still there now at almost 8pm. I did manage to take a short walk this evening upto the stables to see the horses which I thought might help but kept experiencing almost paralysing spasms every five minutes or so. The three worst things about this whole stupid incident was 1./ If I'd have been prepared and taken my Peptamen with me or even better, had a supply at my Mum's house, this would never had happened. 2./ It was one of my best friends birthdays today and we had planned a day out which obviously I had to cancel and 3. I know for a fact a few months ago this would not have happened so despite being on the same doses of medications, things are getting worse. Where will this end? Must admit I'm getting slightly worried.

HOWEVER and it's a big,fat, positive however, I am feeling a little better now if I just sit down and don't take large sips of anything, my surgery is only 6 sleeps away and I have a pre operative appointment at the hospital tomorrow after which I will (fingers crossed) be meeting up with the friend whose birthday is was today, so it's not all doom and gloom. I'm just annoyed with myself really for being such a disorganised twit. Oh well, I shall retire to bed, get cosy and watch a dvd in the knowledge that tomorrow will be a better day.....

Night princes and princesses.

xxxx

One week until surgery!

Heya, I've finally got my internet back so thought I'd update!

I've been drinking the new Peptamen for 2 weeks now but unfortunately still not met my goal of 4/ day. At first taste I thought there was no way I was

even going to drink one a day since it was so bad but I've got used to it a little. I've tried mixing it with cold soya milk and a little chocolate syrup which makes it more bearable and am slowly withdrawing the other ingredients until I can drink it straight. The best tip I can provide to anyone in the same boat is to make it REALLY REALLY cold which makes it taste less like witch hazel. I've accepted that it's never going to taste nice and to just think of it as fuel. There's not much point dressing it up, just need to get. It. Down!

Yum! On to more pleasant matters, I've been busy seeing lots of chums and preparing for a horse show next Sunday. Ended up having an inpromptu party at the weekend which was crazy and I'm still recovering now! My next party is going to be a 100lbs party which, as the name suggests is the party I'm going to hold when I hit 100 pounds! At the moment that's about 20lbs away so if I can gain 1lb per week we're looking at the end of January which doesn't seem like a totally

ridiculous time away! Obviously

the weight gain doesn't end there,

I'll still need to gain more to get up to a weight which is even considered healthy but it'll be a start at least.

So, surgery is a week today and hopefully by this time next week it'll all be over and I'll be on my way home. I'm a bit nervous about the actual surgery and trying not to think about it too much. I just want it all to be over so I can get on with feeding and feel more energetic. At the moment I just want to sleep all day.

I think that's about it for now, hope everyone is doing well.

Much love,

Me. xxx

Quickie update

Heya!

Just a speedy update; I woke up today to an email from my surgeon's secretary asking if I could make the 22nd of August for my sugery, it may be my fiance's birthday but yes! YES! Of course I can! So that's just under three weeks away. I can deal with that just fine I reckon, especially as I can collect my new batch of Peptamen from the pharmacy a day early and it should be ready after 10.30am tomorrow!

Sunday night I met up with a pal totally unexpectedly, I was planning an early night but as soon as a meet was suggested, I was keen! We ended up sitting up until 4am chatting whereupon I decided I was going to eat a piece of pizza (as you do) all was well until about noon yesterday when the pain and nausea started, blah blah blah, I won't bore you with the obvious details but it was late into the evening yesterday until I felt even vaguely ok to force down a small amount of soup. Oh blaaaaah! I would say lesson learned but oh, you know how it is!

Not really done a great deal today aside from check the horses, have a brief walk around town and go see my Mum. Staying there tonight and making full use of the internet since my mobile broadband has finally decided enough's enough and punked out. It's now just after ten so I'm most likely going to try to sleep soon. Elemental diet starts again tomorrow so looking forward to feeling better in a few days - not tasted the UK version of Peptamen yet so I'll keep you all posted. If anyone has any advice in making it more tolerable orally, please post up here or via my inspire page!

Hope everyone is good and groovy. Big loves. xxxxx